


Tetraphobia

by Numerix



Category: K-pop, TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Jihyo isn't single in this one, four. four everywhere, implied ships, it's probably not that good, okay a few are not that implied, squint for a lot of ships is what I'm saying, warning: there may or may not be math puns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-02-22 12:40:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13167129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Numerix/pseuds/Numerix
Summary: Four. A number one Myoui Mina has become oh so familiar with thanks to a certain short-haired brunette who happens to have a four-letter name. Life works out that way for her, she thinks.Four. Because why shouldn’t she be bound by a simple number?





	1. Genius

**Author's Note:**

> Nothing good ever happens with the number four. It's why many Japanese fear it. So it's no reason why she would dread the damn number that's plagued her since high school. Maybe it's her natural affinity for numbers that's forced it to become a common theme of her life. But that's a little ridiculous for her to believe. 
> 
>  
> 
> Still, she can't deny that it had happened four times. 
> 
>  
> 
> “Don’t you think you’re overreacting just a little bit?”
> 
>  
> 
> “How is that even an exaggeration? Four is a very sensible number.”
> 
>  
> 
> “If you say so. Three would be a better number.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Get out.”
> 
>  
> 
> It had happened four times. 

_Theory: Mina is haunted by the number four._

 

1

In theory, it would have been a great idea if she struck up a conversation with her on the first day. But Mina was never one for baseless theories, instead, relying on the data before attempting anything. And based on the data—previous experiences, her awkward personality, and her fear of making a complete fool of herself in front of the new girl Jihyo introduces to the group—she decides it best to stay silent throughout the whole discussion.

 

She was always quiet, sitting on the edge of the bench because how could she even fathom the idea of being under the spotlight. (She would go to school in the comfort of her own room if she could.) It also didn’t help that a certain brunette’s eyes would be forced to train on her. No, her eyes would be of better use to fixate on her instead. (Bonus points for saving herself from the expected embarrassment.)

 

“Mina, you’re kind of quiet over there,” Jihyo snaps Mina out of her daze from listening to how soft-spoken the new girl was.

 

“She’s always brooding. What do you expect?” Nayeon is responded by a piece of bread flung to her face. The rest of the girls—Jihyo, Tzuyu, and Momo—look to the source; realizing at what just transpired, they break into laughter. And Mina decides that she would want to hear that laugh again at least once in her lifetime. She blushes subtly and bows her head. (So much for saving herself from the embarrassment.)

 

“She’s worried about her test next period,” Tzuyu explains. “Mina over there is our resident genius,” she directs this to Momo. Momo follows Tzuyu’s finger and lands her eyes on the alluring dark-haired girl who's stayed silent ever since she sat down.

 

Her head remains low and her shoulders are still hunched over but she swears she saw a smile forming on Momo’s face.

 

2

“This is Sana,” Momo introduces.

 

“They know who I am, Momo. I’ve been in this school longer than you,” Sana chastises her as the back of her hand hits her shoulder.

 

Mina looks up from her logarithms workbook to focus her attention on the girl in question. Momo pouts as Sana smiles at the rest of the group. The two of them look similar, only Momo has dark brown hair and Sana is sporting a dirty blonde dye. Sana clings to Momo with her left arm circling the back half of her body and Momo holds their stance, keeping their balance thanks to Sana's tendency to fall over. _It's fragile_ , she thinks.

 

“I'm pretty sure I've had a conversation with at least each of you once, right?” The girls nod, a smile plastered on their faces for the sake of politeness.

 

“Well, how would I know that?” Momo sighs exasperatedly.

 

She places her index finger on the front of Momo’s cranium, “Maybe you should use your brain, idiot.”

 

Mina witnesses this encounter and concludes that maybe they're just friends. Or she hopes they’re just friends. But this is Myoui “everything-has-to-be-precise-leave-no-stone-unturned” Mina who prides herself in predicting everything based on the minuscule of details, so she discards the idea as another baseless theory and returns to her workbook.

 

“I have English lessons with Jihyo. I know Tzuyu is a first year and she was in the group I helped guide the first week. And I think I’ve seen you in my math class?” The question is directed to Nayeon, but she shakes her head and Sana responds with a soft oh.

 

Jihyo breaks the awkward tension before it becomes too silent, “Nayeon is actually in her third year. She just doesn’t have friends.”

 

“I call it “An Act of Defiance Against the School Norms of Friendships Based on Age Preference,'” Nayeon rebuffs.

 

“This is the reason why,” Jihyo jokes. “You’re literally just a year older than us. To quote Mina, ‘That’s not that big of a gap, Grandma.’”

 

Jihyo receives a stinging backhand blow on her left shoulder, which she immediately tends to. “Yah, I’m older than you. Don’t embarrass me in front of new people.”

 

“Oh then it must be you…” This time she’s pointing at Mina and she can feel everyone’s eyes on her, including hers. (A moment she’s been avoiding since the first day.) “You’re in my math class. You’re really smart.”

 

“Well, she’s the resident genius.” She hates that nickname but if it’s Momo declaring it then she’ll let her because she doesn’t have the energy nor the confidence to refute it in front of two people she barely knows. So she swallows her words and focuses on the logarithmic equations on the page.

 

3

How Mina has managed to not speak one word to Momo in a span of three days despite how easily she has acclimated to the group has Mina wondering whether Momo has any intentions on talking to her at all. Wanting closure, she goes to Jihyo’s place after school, where she successfully dodges the advances of Jihyo’s older brother.

 

“Maybe stop looking like you want to kill people, maybe?” Jihyo bites into the slice of pizza she’s been craving all week.

 

Mina doesn’t need to look her in the eye to know that Jihyo is currently satisfying her appetite when she hears a moan and an _it’s_ _so good_ as she leans down to pick up a slice for herself. “I don’t give off that aura do I? Because if I did, then why is your brother still hitting on me?”

 

“Maybe it’s selective,” Mina looks at Jihyo with a raised eyebrow, confusion making ridges on her once clear forehead. “You’re just so quiet in school, but when you’re with us, you get all giddy and lively,” she explains.

 

“Not lately,” she monotones.

 

“Yeah, not lately. What’s up with that?”

 

Mina thinks of the past few weeks of when she started reverting to her silent and mysterious ways. _It wasn’t the summer before high school_ , she recalls. _And it definitely was not in the fall. Perhaps it was winter break when_ —“Just trying to focus on school,” she says.

 

“We both know that that has never been an issue with you.” Being friends with one of the biggest introverts in Korea, Jihyo knows not to pry when her best friend thinks of pseudo-reasons to explain her actions as of late. So she waits until she’s ready. If she’ll ever be, she hopes.

 

Mina shrugs her shoulder, changing the topic from there. She knows Jihyo is worrying from the side of her eye and is all the more thankful when she plays into Mina’s game of evading topics she really should open more up about. She'll tell her once she's ready.

 

4

They’re at the cafeteria when Momo throws her pencil across the table, landing near Nayeon’s papers.

 

“You okay there, Momo?” she asks.

 

“No,” she admits. Nayeon leans over to hand Momo back her pencil. “Thank you. I do not like math.”

 

“No one does,” Tzuyu takes a break from her own math problem to eat a fry.

 

“Except Mina,” Nayeon mentions and Mina has already planned how she’s going to murder her in her sleep. _Maybe Tzuyu will get to her before I do_ , she thinks.

 

“Oh yeah, genius. Maybe you can help me with this.” She walks to Mina’s seat and squats down to meet her level. She proceeds to point at the question

 

“Four?”

 

“That’s the answer?”

 

“No no no. I’m asking if—never mind.” She scribbles something down on her notebook while speaking incoherent words that the group concludes must be numbers. “2 plus 9 i,” she speaks clearly.

 

Mina can tell that she’s more perplexed than ever, but it surprises her when she gets up then walks to the empty seat by her side and sits down. “Okay, I would never even have thought to get that. Can you show me?”

 

So, she demonstrates how she solved number four and five and six and seven and eight… until the period is over and they all leave for their own classes. The satisfied smile on Momo’s face is enough to make Mina smile herself.

 

“Wait, Mina! Thank you for helping me.”

 

“It’s no problem.”

 

Momo walks Mina to her class in silent, albeit awkwardly. But it bothers neither of them because Momo reasons that this is her way of saying thanks and Mina reasons that she likes the presence occupying the air to her right side. When they arrive, they say a quick goodbye to each other and a _see you tomorrow_ as the former departs for her own class.

 

Mina's lips are stuck with curved ends for the rest of the day which has Jihyo seriously questioning the mental state of her best friend.

 

_Fact: It took Mina four days to talk to Momo._


	2. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends, couples, distance, silence, thumbtacks, and clarity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was intended to be 5,000 words...  
> Thank you to everyone that left kudos/comments for the first chapter.  
> Enjoy this long one.

1

“Based on the data presented on this chart, I conclude that the world is on fire,” Momo holds a white chart to her face with numbers and data that Mina knows she’s already dreaded picking it up.

 

She’s looking at the mirror adjusting the size of her necklace hanging down her neckline but diverts her attention to the pest casually sitting on the desk chair. “Alright, stop playing around with my charts.”

 

“It’s fun,” she tries to let it come off excitedly. She looks over the data again and sure enough, she gets a headache. “And… yeah, I don’t know shit.” She places the chart back down on Mina’s desk.

 

“They’re for class, Momo,” she returns to her neckline.

 

“I know. I can’t wait to see your presentation. Jeongyeon is recording it for everyone.”

 

Since the last year, their group has come to adopt the motherly like caring and dad joke tendency of Jeongyeon, a girl Sana proudly recommended they become friends with. Half a year later, she begins to regret those words after the nth time she’s commented on how slow she gets ready, “I guess that’s why she’s Minatozaki Sana and not Minutezaki Sana.” The group groans on her behalf, except Momo whom she surprisingly shares the same humor with.

 

The black-haired girl is scouring her hairdresser for a pair of earrings that would match well with her necklace while her friend with a questionable sense of humor looks for more trinkets to play with. “It’s still kind of random how Sana just took her in, don’t you think?”

 

“Sana has always been like that. We grew up together so I would know.” A pause. “Wear the earrings Nayeon gave you for your birthday. They’d match with your outfit,” Momo is flipping the pages of Mina’s mathematics textbook so Mina wonders how she could have known what she was looking for. She doesn’t question it though. Instead, she picks up the box the earrings came in, then puts it on.  

 

She recalls to when Momo first introduced Sana to her friends in their first year of high school and thought of how physically close they were to each other. She must have thought they were dating then but after analyzing the data—a skill her math teacher has commended her for “having exquisite proficiency” in—Momo’s annoyed look to signify how done she is with her idiot best friend coupled with Sana’s noisy complaints of how much of a bigger idiot Momo reeks that of best friends rather than girlfriends. She knows because she and Jihyo do this on a daily basis, too, only privately. “Oh right. Childhood friends.”

 

“Besides, she and Nayeon hit it off right from the start,” she puts the textbook down, deciding she’s had enough headaches for five minutes and lies down on Mina’s perfectly arranged bed.

 

“I still think she’s into Jihyo,” she responds fondly as the name of her best friend escapes her mouth. The thought of her finally getting a relationship has her circuits wired up in case Jihyo rejects the idea and she’s going to have to organize an intervention for her antithesis of a best friend. (She was quiet, and she was loud, but they were both very single.) Still, the idea lingers in Mina’s mind because if anyone was going to meet the love of their life, it would be the goddess that is Jihyo.

 

“If anything, I think she’s into Mina,” Tzuyu pops her head into Mina’s room. “You ready? I have a test first period and would like to cram in some studying time before it starts.”

 

She puts in the last stopper, “Almost. If I could just get rid of this wrong opinion in my head, you know?”

 

Mina receives a soft blow from one of her penguin plushies.

  
 

 

They've fallen into a routine: Momo walks to Mina’s and Tzuyu’s complex. (Ever since their parents merged their two companies, they thought it best that they grow in the same environment to foster a personal relationship for the two heirs. They didn’t mind since they were friends to begin with despite the two year age gap.)

 

Then Tzuyu’s dad drives them to school with Tzuyu in the front passenger seat and Momo asleep soundly on Mina’s shoulder. She doesn’t mind. The girl could use some more sleep, so she doesn’t deny her this. (Besides, the older girl looks too cute.)

 

When they arrive at the school, they walk Tzuyu to her class first on test days because they wouldn’t want to test her wrath. Usually, they go to the commons first to greet the rest of their friends. After bidding farewell, they make their way there.

 

The casual greetings: Jihyo asks how they’re doing, Jeongyeon’s dad joke of the day, the group’s muffled response (save for Momo, of course), Nayeon’s daily gossip, Momo’s new obsession, Sana's first clumsy act of the day, while Mina and Tzuyu would just observe. This was nice. It was a routine Mina loved, and she wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

 

Momo walks Mina to her class every single morning, and they wouldn't see each other until during lunch where they’ve managed to sit at the same table since last year. Mina still helps Momo with math once she’s finished with all her assignments.

 

“I still can’t believe that we’re in the same year but you’re already a year ahead of me in math.” It was true that Mina was Momo’s junior by four months, but the private school she attended in Japan since she was seven trained her in mathematics ahead of anyone in her age. She loved math and she pursued it all in thanks to her parents. So once they moved to Korea, she didn’t hesitate to apply for a more rigorous math course, which they only offered to students in their second year.

 

“She is the genius, Momo,” Nayeon reminds her. Mina pouts again, her efforts and diligence chipped away as her friends continue to overlook it in favor of her natural intelligence.

 

“Hey, you know she doesn’t like that name.” Mina smiles at her; Momo does the same. This happens every day with one person defending the other that leads them to a mess of awkward, loose smiles with their field of vision limited only to the other in front of them. They’re both smiling idiots that their friends groan and repeat the same mantra every single day since the start of their second year: “Gee, get a room already.”

 

Momo walks Mina to her class, but their classrooms this year are further apart from last. Still, Momo doesn’t mind the distance, the same way she doesn’t mind the extra ten blocks she walks after she’s spent the afternoon at the Chou-Myoui complex.

 

“Thank you for during lunch, by the way,” Mina mentions before Momo leaves.

 

“I know how much you hate it.”

 

It still amazes Mina how much she and Momo have gotten closer in only a year. It still shocks her that that Momo has managed to become one of her most trusted friends, a title that up till now, only Jihyo held. It shakes her to the very core that this Momo took the shortest amount of time to delve into Mina’s private, secret life.

 

But it grows on her; the same way Momo’s habit of falling asleep has Mina accustomed to her sleeping schedule; the same way her hands in softly closed fists would shake when food was in her field of vision that Mina doesn’t realize she’s been imitating her; the same way Momo’s random, loud screams doesn’t startle Mina anymore, but instead holds her hand tighter than ever and keeps her body closer to her than ever and her voice to calm the panicky older Japanese is softer than ever.

 

This is Mina who finds it hard to fit anywhere but in her own home and in Jihyo’s life but somehow corresponds to the spaces in Momo’s life. This is Mina who wouldn’t think such trivial things would matter to her, but they do.  Because she fits. She fits into Momo’s embrace, she matches well with her personality, oddly finds comfort in her disordered bedroom just thankful enough that she actually found a spot to sit on, finds herself in the crook of Momo's neck when she's holding on to her as if her life depended on it, fills in the gaps between their fingers when they're walking to her class; she fits, and so does Momo in hers.

 

2

“Based on the raw data, the employment rate for engineers will see an increase of 25% in the next two years.”

 

“Stop watching that. I honestly could have done so much better.” Mina snatches the phone from Jihyo’s hands.

 

“Oh, but you did so well, future CEO of Chou-Myoui Co.” Jeongyeon easily takes it back and hands it to Jihyo with a smile.

 

“You know I live here, too, right?” Tzuyu peeks her head out of her sleeping bag. Mina's not sure of the look Tzuyu is giving is of the envious nature or if it's those knowing looks directed towards Jeongyeon and Jihyo. Tzuyu was never jealous of anyone so it was probably, nay most likely, the latter.

 

“First month of your third year is done, unnies. How do you all feel?” The question wakes Momo, who was falling asleep by just looking at her phone. Mina takes the extra measure to wake her up by shaking her shoulders.

 

“You can drop the formalities, Tzuyu. It's just us,” Jihyo stands up to treat herself to a pizza slice on the basement's bar table.

 

“I know. But it’s just easier if I do,” she was always a stickler for the rules, perhaps it was because of the life-changing Taiwanese-Japanese-Korean merging of the branches of Chou-Myoui Co., having moved from her home country to a new one, where she had to learn a new language entirely foreign to her. “Unnie” was one of the first words she learned and she would hold it dearly, never missing a chance to say it.

 

Of course, Mina knew this, so she says, “Give her a break. It would be nice if anyone of us actually displayed some signs of respect.”

 

“What are you implying, Myoui?” At this time, Momo is completely awake and questioning the once quiet, “respectful” heir whose sleeping bag she placed hers next to on the floor of the basement of the great Chou-Myoui complex.

 

Mina stays quiet, takes a bite of her pizza, and chews.

 

“When did Mina become such a tease?” asks Nayeon, who’s braiding Sana’s hair.

 

“I think it’s your influence,” the blonde girl’s hair receives a throbbing pain in the back of her head for the rest of the night.

 

  
 

After the first round of movies—Love, The Wailing, The Handmaiden’s Tale—accompanied with pizza and popcorn, their first half of the Saturday is spent.

 

Sana and Nayeon have been looking a little too comfortable during the third movie, a nice break from Sana’s ear-piercing wails when the second movie was on. They aren’t looking to break from their embrace anytime soon.

 

Jeongyeon was with Tzuyu during the first movie, hoping to catch what the characters were saying in Taiwanese despite the subtitles already on the screen. But she seemed to have shifted her body towards Jihyo, who hasn’t made the effort to stand up when the lights were turned back on. Jeongyeon places her face in front of her to smile that disarming smile everyone had fallen for when they first met her. “Hi,” she says. Jihyo greets back with soft, albeit pathetic hey. Tzuyu just rolls her eyes.

 

Mina observes all this, keeping her face only towards them, absolutely aware that the girl next to her had fallen asleep on her shoulder whilst holding her hand. She wasn’t going to risk waking her up, so she stays like that until Momo stirs in her sleep. (Plus, the contact was nice and would have Mina berate herself for letting go so soon.)

 

Momo wakes herself up when she falls off the shoulder supporting her head for the past four hours. The groan she makes ignites a laughter within the group.

 

“To answer your question before, Tzuyu, I’m excited for the year to end,” Jihyo remembers, and Tzuyu is grateful.

 

Jeongyeon would offer a similar answer with a mix of Jeongyeoness to match her style, “I’m with ‘excited for the year to end.” The inevitable groaning of the group and Momo's single laughter filled the room.

 

“I can’t wait for you guys to start complaining before the year ends. Those college entrance exams are going to be a total bitch.” Nayeon, being the oldest of the group, had already graduated and is now starting her first year at Sungkyunkwan University. She’s expected to move in next week, so she decided to spend her last weekend with the girls.

 

Sana and Momo offer the same answer: “I just want to get it over with.” Momo explains that she just wants to get into a good culinary school; with food being her first love, she would want to spend the rest of her life with it. Sana’s motives weren’t clear until she started listing universities she was interested in: Seoul National, Hanyang, _Sungkyunkwan_ , Jeju National,..., the emphasis on the third choice being met with oohs and ahhs.

 

“What about you, Mina-unnie?”

 

The spotlight shines on her and suddenly, Mina feels like reverting to her mysterious ways, instinct overtaking her being. But Momo looks at her with a smile reserved only for her (or what she was told by Momo herself), so she shakes off her nature, gives up her quiet demeanor and reveals, “I don’t want this year to end too soon because then that would mean goodbye.” The girls nod then reassure her that for as long as they’re still alive, “goodbye” is a word that is missing from their vocabulary.

 

They start preparing themselves for the second round of movies. Sana goes with Nayeon to the bathroom. Jeongyeon and Jihyo cuddle closer together. Tzuyu is still rolling her eyes. Meanwhile, Mina stands up to grab a cup of soda with Momo trailing right behind her.

 

There's barely any distance between the two, so Mina takes it upon herself to close it: her back fits into the mold Momo’s body is offering, shivering but accepting the contact. She puts her lips right next to Mina’s ear, “Expect a lot of hellos from me from now on, okay?” Mina nods as Momo greets, “Hello, Myoui Mina.”

 

Mina decides then that she doesn’t want this to change, doesn’t want a future when she would rather live in the present.

 

But this is Myoui “base everything on the data” Mina, and based on the data—past experiences, unknown futures, underdeveloped teens who don’t know what the world will throw at them—she knows that it won’t ever be like this.

  
 

 

JIhyo lies on the edge of her bed tinkering with the stuffed animal toy Jeongyeon won her at an arcade place when the group vacationed to Jeju Island. Mina watches her amused at how obviously in love and how oblivious her best friend is. The shorter girl is blushing, a shade of pink plastered all over her plump cheeks and it takes Mina her entire resolve not to “yell” at her idiot best friend to “get the girl.”

 

“You’ve been smiling a lot, lately.”

 

She didn’t catch herself forming a thin smile until Jihyo pointed it out. Her mind went blank the moment her eyes landed on the unicorn figurine on her desk. It was Momo’s gift to Jihyo on her birthday that Mina helped picked out. Mina wanted to give her a penguin but Momo suggested that the penguin is exclusive to her. _When did I even start looking at that?_

 

“Just thinking about you and Jeongyeon.”

 

Jihyo hums, “Sure, I totally believe you.” Her words are dipped in sarcasm, a trait she most likely gained from Nayeon. But they sound almost wounded as if she wants to say something but some knot in her throat is stopping her. Mina catches on to this, trying to figure out her true sentiments. She’s not blushing so she knows it’s not about Jeongyeon. She’s not overly worried so it can’t be about the entrance exams they’re slated to take next week. (Nayeon was right, they did complain.) She’s not looking at Mina. Then Mina realizes.

 

Her smile falters, even, a little too much that Jihyo notices. All she could do was apologize, tears welling up in her round eyes. But they still shine as Mina knew them to do. Even in the dim of her bedroom, her eyes are the remaining source of light, one Mina has been thankful for their ten years of friendship; she would carry an aura that dark itself was afraid of, but her best friend's brightness would scare it away for her, brightening up those days when it just wasn't worth it, being the sun when the rain would pitter patter on her windowsill, shedding light on what Mina could truly be if she opened up a bit more: happy. She just can’t have her eyes glisten like this, knowing that her sunny friend suddenly became a greyed-out cloud ready to burst all to her accord, so she says, “I’m sorry, too.”

 

“You’ve been in the dark for too long, since our second year.  I just don’t know how to even bring the topic up.”

 

“Mina..” Jihyo softly whispers. The rain outside is the only sound they hear because they're both whispering, which Mina has already mastered but a skill Jihyo still struggled to do—though she would argue otherwise.

 

“My parents want me to move to the states,” she finally reveals. Her best friend is silent, only letting out a simple oh. “...after graduation,” she finishes.

 

The weather suddenly isn't the only one angry at the world. Nature versus man had nothing on the anger rising up in Jihyo's eyes; it could not sum up the courage to strike down the closeted Mina whose body covers the now crying Jihyo; it could never match the tensioned thundering in the room that is coming off from the anger that is Jihyo's voice; there would be no storm large or strong enough to compete with the teardrops, the noise, the dark-haired girls that are looking to bring destruction to anyone who would even think of interrupting them. (Jihyo's brother hears the wails from his bedroom but decides against going to check on them knowing he'll only get a slipper and a door slam from disturbing a private moment.)

 

She's been suppressing this move since winter break of their second year, burying where no one, not even she, can find it. But it leaked its way into her subconsciousness because she couldn't stand seeing the long-haired girl like this. Jihyo has indeed been in the dark for too long, and Mina would try her damnedest to make it up to her.

 

 

 

“Come on, Momo, you wouldn’t want to be late for your own graduation, now,” Mina yells as much as she can.

 

“But it’s really early,” Momo whines as she puts on the pair of black heels she—well, Mina—prepared last night along with her graduation outfit.

 

“I don’t make the rules.”

 

“When you take over the world, you will.”

 

Mina hopes that everything doesn’t change too much, but of course, why hope when you can predict and analyze. So Mina does just that, giving Momo and herself a once over in the mirror: they’re both matching—they didn’t have a choice anyway. The light make-up on their faces isn’t enough to cover the obvious blush. But Mina disregards this knowing full well that Momo’s naturally a blushy kind of person, though she still can’t help but smile when she sees it. They turn to face each other, making eye contact, before doing a slow nod, and, eventually, leaving.

 

(She predicts one last great week with her friends in Japan where they had already decided to embark on their graduation trip together.)

 

They weren’t late; in fact, Jeongyeon and Jihyo were the ones who were, eliciting a loud shock from the group that half the entire student body shifted their heads to witness the rushed “whispers,” the echoes of woohoos and the collective I knew it.

 

“I knew it. Pay up,” Mina surprises everyone, even more, being the first to gleefully announce her victory in a what they would consider a not-so-like-Myoui-manner—save for Jihyo, Tzuyu, and Momo.

 

The girls—Nayeon bet on Sana, Momo on Nayeon, Sana on Momo, and Tzuyu on Mina—reluctantly handed their money: Nayeon’s 30,000 KRW, Momo’s 10,000, Sana’s 20,000, and Tzuyu’s 5,000. (She didn’t want to be part of it; but, it’s high school so why the hell not?)

 

Jeongyeon and Jihyo only give them the stink-eye look, which easily dissipates as Mina smiles her gummy smile. Their side comments of how cursed they were to have idiot best friends also quickly turn to streams of gratitude flowing directly into the other’s ears as Mina hands them the bet money then says, “For your first date. Treat my best friend well, please.”

 

“She’s not going to have much use for it in America anyway.” A silence befalls the previously-noisy group, clearly avoiding the tension Nayeon unwittingly just created. Nayeon swallows her throat, realizing it a little too late. Sana twiddles with her fingers as she bows her head slightly. Jeongyeon, Jihyo, and Tzuyu are glaring at Nayeon. And Momo grips Mina’s hand tighter. _When did she even take my hand?_

 

Mina can’t take the awkward silence and she’s pretty sure Momo is cutting off the circulation in her veins so she tries to speak until Jeongyeon does it for her,  “Why are you still here? Didn’t you graduate?”

 

“If you don’t think I’m going to come see my best friends graduate then you, Yoo Jeongyeon, are a bigger fool than me.” She chuckles—it’s an awkward chuckle but still.

 

“Why don’t we go inside so Grandma Nayeon can rest," Tzuyu snappily remarks.

 

Nayeon takes Sana’s hands, leading them inside; Jeongyeon and Jihyo look at each other with stars in their eyes, and Tzuyu is still rolling hers, breaking their gaze as she pushes the two lovebirds in.

 

Now it’s Mina's and Momo’s turn to stare. Anyone with a working pair of eyes would compare the looks the two Japanese girls of the group were sharing were eerily similar to Jeongyeon's and Jihyo's. But there was a stark difference in their stares that the latter lacked. Their best friends' were new, they were fresh, wanting to spend as little time there and more time with each other if at all possible. Mina's and Momo's was reassuring as the older coaxed the younger into believing to hope, conveying a sense of wishful thinking that the younger ought to do more instead of worrying too much about the data. They're both deep into the stare, silent, no words between them, and Mina swears she saw a twinkle in the brown pupils whose eyes she’s stayed up all night thinking about, and Momo swears that the smile Mina is giving is the one she only ever gives her, and they both swear, out loud, that everything is not going to change too much.

 

3

The room felt cold and foreign to her. _Of course, it’s foreign. I’m in a foreign country._ With that thought she snickered, followed by: _Oh god, I’m turning into Jeongyeon._

 

Her laptop rang with the familiar Skype ringtone with the bittersweet association: sweet because she found solace in the sound, knowing the warmth she would get from the screen and the caller inside it; bitter because of the casual reminder of the reality that she lives in where she lives in a country without her best friends. (Plus, it was annoying at times.)

 

She clicks the green phone button and waits for a face to pop up: Jihyo. An outgoing smile contradicts her otherwise demure face but she’s not going to stop it from doing so anyway. The two girls say a quick hello, then Mina settles onto her desk chair.

 

“Did you make any new friends yet?”

 

Mina rolls her eyes. “Nope, not planning to.” Why should she? She doesn’t want foreign. She wants familiar. She wants home. This isn’t home.

 

“Go have a social life, Mina.”

 

_Of course, she’d say that._

 

Mina notices three other figures in the back and grins at the silhouettes she recognizes all too well: one of the clumsy Japanese whose scream shatters your eardrums but would quickly apologize all while flirting and causing some type of careless accident, the other of the charmer whose tough exterior covers her soft spot for “jokes,” music, baking, and her friends, and the last belonging to the girl who owns a matching barbie phone case and suitcase—despite her edgy fashion style—and an insatiable appetite.

 

“You guys are my social life.”

 

“Of course you’d say that. Don’t be an idiot.” Typical of Jihyo to know exactly what she’s thinking.

 

Mina casually shrugs her shoulder and flashes a toothy grin at her best friend—one who cares and worries way too much. She wishes she could just tend to herself first before making anyone else a priority. But she’s not one to talk: she does the same thing.

 

“What are those three doing over there?”

 

“Oh, you mean my idiot girlfriend and her two roommates? Jeong and Momo are arguing over who’s the better ‘punner’ while Sana is just regulating.”

 

After graduation, Momo’s and Sana’s parents returned to Japan, entrusting their respective daughters to be “responsible adults” as they proceed to their college life. It was set: they bought the cheapest apartment in the Jongno district of Seoul just ten minutes away from Sungkyunkwan University then began to move in. The place comprised of one bedroom with a simple kitchen that led to the living room and one bathroom equipped with all their necessities. Just one problem, however: Sana and Momo. Mina recalls how Jeongyeon ended up bunking with the two Japanese.

 

> Nayeon looks over the apartment then shifts her gaze to Sana and Momo then back to the sofa situated in the middle of the living room.“Yeah... this isn’t going to work. I don’t trust you two alone,” she finally declares.
> 
>  
> 
> “Agree. Jeongyeon, you live with them,” Jihyo offers.
> 
>  
> 
> “What?” Jeongyeon had been scouring the refrigerator for any food to satiate her appetite, finally grabbing a bag of salted chips with a questionable expiration date.
> 
>  
> 
> “This apartment is closer to Korea University than your parents’ house and is more inexpensive compared to the university dormitory costs. Besides, do you really want to room with someone you don’t know but would be obligated to for manner’s sake?” Mina reasons, hoping to leave the girls being discussed in good hands, particularly that in the motherly-like—albeit armed with terrible dad jokes—of Jeongyeon. Jihyo was another choice, but she was set to attend Seoul National so it wouldn’t have made sense for her to commute over an hour and a half when she already lives close to the campus.
> 
>  
> 
> “Mina, not you, too,” Momo speaks up.
> 
>  
> 
> “I want the two of you alive. If you’re not going to die from the malnourishment by eating these junk foods or lack thereof, then you and Sana will surely end up killing each other.”
> 
>  
> 
> Momo agrees almost immediately, followed by a reluctant Jeongyeon after a side conversation with Jihyo and a pouting Sana who sneaks an _I’m probably not even going to be here most of the time_ under her breath. “Yeah, we know,” they say right back.

 

Mina smiles at the recollection but brings herself back to the present. No use lingering in the past at this point. “I’m missing the pun tournament? Momo was so excited about it.”

 

“She’s losing,” Sana screams, surprising Mina since she was speaking in a hushed tone. Sana’s always had a knack for hearing her despite her gentle, quiet voice, but it still astonishes her how her ears have already attuned to it when Jihyo took a good three years before finally developing sonar hearing for her best friend’s sub-level volume.

 

“Yah, shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend?” Momo pauses the competition to give Sana a deathly glare she learned from Tzuyu, with, of course, hints of Momo—lazy, droopy eyes and a head tilt.

 

“She has a psych test tomorrow so she’s studying,” she replies with a frown on her face before she quickly adds, “And she’s not my girlfriend.” A soft, little blush appears on her face, which doesn’t escape Jeongyeon’s notice.

 

She awes. Then she places two closed hands near her face and sways them simultaneously from one side to another. “And look who’s shy shy shy about that,” she teases.

 

Jeongyeon receives a small push and a piercing scream, “Yah, that was one time in high school.”

 

“Yeah, Jeongyeon, her shy shy shy days are over. She’s sure sure sure about that,” Momo joins in with the added shy shy shy accentuation for sure sure sure. Jeongyeon and Momo— _these idiot jerks_ , Mina thinks—look at each other then break out into laughter before Jeongyeon pats Momo on the back, admitting defeat. The admission was ladened too much with stomach-churning laughs that it barely escaped from Jeongyeon’s tongue; Momo almost didn’t hear it with her own laughs with her body currently cleaning a small area of the floor.

 

Sana looks in the direction of the camera that Jihyo pointed towards them for Mina to get a better view of the argument. A save me is what she mouths to Jihyo and Mina who both laugh out loud.

 

She misses them, but this isn’t too bad either.

  
 

 

“So, I finally have an idea of what I’m going to do in my life.” Momo swivels in her chair as she talks to Mina through Skype. This wasn’t anything new. Similar to the routine they had in high school, they adopted a daily call session despite the 13-hour difference. Fortunately, Momo would finish school and her job by eight at night; meanwhile, Mina’s class schedule wouldn’t start until nine in the morning, so she wakes up at six to wait for Momo’s signal.

 

“I’m intrigued. Tell me.” She leans back on her chair, her eyes ready to fall. But she was genuine about her feelings about Momo’s previous statement, she just wishes she didn’t have a test in four hours.

 

“Nope, you have to guess. Use that analytical brain of yours.” Momo’s excited—too excited for six in the morning in Mina’s time. But she’s running in Korea time and eight at night in Seoul was always lively. Hell, anywhere in the world at twenty hundred hours was a freaking party and she wishes, right now, that it’s eight in the freaking pm.

 

She’s tired and spent from late-night studying and she’s also mentally berating herself for drinking that extra cup of coffee. Of course, she doesn’t let Momo see this, afraid of hurting her feelings.  “I can only do so much with my brain, Momo. It’s literally just numbers and statistics. No human psychology.”

 

It’s not anything new that Mina would dismiss how brilliant her mind usually is, or at least that’s how her friends called it. It’s not insecurity, she assures them, followed with a “I just know my strengths and weaknesses.” Well, Momo also knows her strengths and weaknesses and this happens to be one of them. She can rant about economics and statistics all she wants but Mina was almost always ready for guessing games, so she was skeptical when Mina lowered her head and refused to guess. Whatever Mina wants to forego at the moment, which Momo thinks is studying or sleeping or both, she was obligated to snap her out of it and direct her back to the right track.

 

Mina, despite the blurred vision, can see Momo squint her eyes to see her better, to see the dark quarter moons under her eyes better, and she can see through those orbs of hers that Momo’s brain is ticking: _What are you planning, Hirai?_  

 

“You don’t need to be inclined to psychology for this, Mitang. You just have to know me.”

 

“So you’re testing me if I know you?” Her head jerks up a bit, her eyes now slightly more open than seconds earlier.

 

Momo smirks. “For lack of a better word, yes. You up for it?”  The silence on Mina’s end is a yes as Momo knows that her mind is probably already thinking up theories of her friend’s new excursion.

 

Scratch probably—she is definitely thinking of what Momo could be going on about. Momo’s question breaks Mina’s lethargic state, summoning her competitiveness since she isn’t about to break her streak of 89 victories after Momo asks, “You up for it?” Mina is hooked.

 

> Momo carries the raccoon plushie Mina won her. Though thankful, she’s struggling to walk with the four-foot animal. And she’s not letting Mina go that easily after the behavior she displayed at the arcade. “You know you’re way too competitive sometimes, right?”
> 
>  
> 
> Mina walks with a smirk plastered across the bottom of her face whilst her puffed up cheeks make up for most of her side profile that Momo can’t help but smile.  “I just wanted to win,” she confesses.
> 
>  
> 
> “Yes, but did that kid have to suffer?”
> 
>  
> 
> “He knew what he was doing,” Mina replies, all the while hugging her own penguin plushie closer to her that she won at a previous game of shooting specific targets. It surprised both of them that Mina knew how to handle a (toy) rifle that well.
> 
>     
> 
> “He was eight, Mina.”

 

Mina looks at the setting behind Momo, which suspiciously looks too clean. Mina knew Jeongyeon and Jihyo already left for their weekend together leaving Momo and Sana alone, so, “You cleaned today?”

 

“What?” Momo asks bewildered. After much thought, “I take offense at the implication.”

 

“We both know you’re messier than Sana. She may have a lot of stuff but she at least takes the effort to organize it. I assume you’re entertaining someone? Did you get a date?”  
 

“What?” she repeats and follows it with a stream of no’s. She gets up from her chair, then walks over to the couch Mina was eyeing, grabs a pillow, and shows it to Mina. “See this? I washed it just for the sake of it.” It’s the pink Barbie pillow Tzuyu bought Momo for her birthday per Mina’s counsel.

 

“You’re trying really hard to impress this someone.” Mina doesn’t know why there’s an aching in the back of her throat as soon as those words escaped her tongue. She feels her heart slow down its beat for a while but decides that it’s probably nothing.

 

“There’s no someone! I just cleaned, I swear. I mean…” she leaves Mina’s frame of vision, then comes back with an opened bag of chips. She proceeds to spill its content on the couch and on the hardwood floors. “...ta-da.”

 

“Alright, I believe you. I also believe that Jeongyeon is going to kill you.”

 

“You provoked me. I’m dragging you down with me, Mina.”

 

“Fine,” she concedes. Little does Momo know that—She whispers a good before returning to her seat.

 

Neither of them speak.

 

Though Mina likes the quiet climate, she breaks the silence, “So when are you attending Le Cordon Bleu-Sookmyung Academy?”

 

“Wait, how did you figure that out?” she asks bewildered.

 

“One, your love for food is literally unparalleled: if you had to choose between millions of money and food, you’d choose food without hesitating. Two, you’re the resident cook of the group, which surprised all of us—including you—because we all thought it would be Jihyo. Three, these past phone calls have consisted of you hinting at a culinary career. And four, when you left your chair, you kind of exposed that royal blue apron unique only to Le Cordon Bleu. If you hadn’t gotten up, it would have taken me another 20 minutes or so before piecing the clues together, but I know how you react to people accusing you of courting someone. The chips were just added bonus,” Mina laughs heartily, revealing her gummy smile and silver tooth.

 

“I have a headache. Okay, your guess is correct,” she admits defeat. “I’m impressed, but I can’t believe you manipulated me like that.”

 

“It’s not manipulation, Momoring. It’s called winning. So that’s 90 victories, yes?” Momo pouts, but Mina’s laugh persists, her happiness not faltering one bit. “Why do you always get defensive whenever anyone brings up the idea of dating, anyway? It isn’t like you have commitment issues or anything,” she asks upon finishing.

 

“I just don’t like people assuming that I’m going to date soon just because I can.” Momo lowers her gaze, making it more difficult for Mina to read her.

 

“Well, there's nothing wrong with that. You've dated in high school before, so what changed?"

 

"I guess I'm tired of the game. I just want that one person, now," she confesses.

 

“So you’re waiting for what? The right person?” She nods. “You, Hirai Momo, who had nearly half the student body fall for you, are waiting for the right person? You, who went on a date at least once a week the first time I met you, are swearing off dating for one person you don’t even know yet? You, who dragged me to cheer tryouts to scout for a date to the prom, are suddenly taking a backseat on this whole pursuit?”

 

“Yes, and I ended up going with you because you refused to find a date. We’re both tragic.” Momo speaks so lowly that Mina barely caught what the older girl was saying at the end.

 

Mina responds with a soft _oh_ , unsure of how to approach the situation even further. This was another territory that their friendship hasn’t explored yet, and Mina thinks this isn’t the best time to cultivate it. Their conversations usually stopped here because only Sana or Jihyo could really delve deeper into their best friends’ subconsciouses. These were the boundaries they set up, but they both knew they were yearning to break it.

 

“And besides, what makes you think I haven’t met her yet?” she whispers.

 

Another _oh_ , which may or may not have come out a little too dejected and a little too obvious for Mina’s taste. But while Mina was obvious, Momo was oblivious. Maybe Mina was expecting her to say something else because their conversation had already subsided to the comfort of deafening silence. _This is just wishful thinking_ , she tells herself.

 

No one could ever deny that the distance between their souls is mere inches, yet they remain physically separated by miles of ocean blue. Still, there is always something unspoken in between those short and long distances that they try to express through their smiles and their stares. There will always be smiles, stares, and silence, whether in the same room or on different continents. Maybe—she hopes eventually—that they will replace that silence with words, and finally give meaning to those smiles and stares. But the distance lingers.

 

4

The loud pitter patter of the rain against the roof and the cold, clear window was enough to wake Mina up from slumber. She hadn’t realized that she had fallen asleep. School had been overwhelming, to say the least. But she was handling it well. (She’s Myoui Mina after all. What can’t she handle well?) What she couldn’t do at the moment was notice how her door was open for a creak enough to let a whiff of that familiar smell in. Is that bacon?

 

Mina has always wanted two things in her life: her current circle of friends and clarity. It wasn’t the smoothest ride gaining the trust of people she’s with now, but it has been easier maintaining it despite the distance their friendship has put on a year ago: Nayeon in Sungkyunkwan; Jeongyeon, Momo, and Sana in Korea University; Jihyo and Tzuyu in Seoul National; and Mina in Harvard. There was distance but it was compensated with all-day long calls and a few visits conducted by one of them throughout the year.

 

Clarity was a different story. Perhaps it’s why she chose numbers—numbers were exact—and theories, believing that if any of them were to come true, then she has accomplished something in her life. But her life has been a string of theories weaved together to form a mess of a character who is following the trail of bacon attacking her senses, shutting down any rational, conclusive thoughts her friends so unabashedly put on a pedestal that it’s made it that much more difficult to preserve her public reputation.

 

Screw this. I want bacon, she thinks, enough to break her from her thoughts.

 

Clarity isn’t far when Mina is enveloped into an embrace by a strong pair of arms she’s already accustomed to clinging to when their pairs of legs walk them to stores during the cold season. Clarity is right in front of her when the girl greets her with a hello and a good morning added with a soft, pink kiss on her already flushed cheeks. Clarity is a pair of brown orbs staring into her own as if capturing the moment for fear that such fleeting image would disappear from her view in a snap. Clarity is when Mina is consumed by the darkness until colorful spots begin to appear in her sight. Clarity is that goddamn bacon smell attacking Mina’s sense. Clarity is the two of them standing in the middle of the kitchenette, failing to see that three figures have set foot in the living room observing the two.

 

“Gee, get a room already. Ouch,” Jeongyeon overreacts as Jihyo softly smacks her right arm.

 

She is clear and certain when she notices Momo give Jeongyeon a death glare as if furious about the disruption. “Last I checked, this is my apartment.”

 

“Technically, this is our apartment,” the third body pitches her two cents in, all the while receiving raised eyebrows from Jeongyeon, Jihyo, and Momo.

 

“Chae, these are my friends back home: Jeongyeon, Jihyo, and Momo.” Mina’s hand finds its way into Momo’s occupying the spaces between her thin digits as she interlaces their fingers together.“This is my roommate Chaeyoung—freshman. She’s also Korean but her family moved to the states when she was 10 years old.”

 

“Always the savior. It’s cheaper than university dorm costs—$10,000 a year, can you believe that? I could never put my parents through the trouble.”

 

“I promised yours and Dahyun’s parents that I’ll take care of you both so don’t worry,” Chaeyoung reveals a deep pimple on her right cheek.

 

“So did you guys just meet or something?” Jeongyeon asks suspiciously.

 

“No need to be suspicious about it. She’s harmless.” She knows of Jeongyeon’s and Momo’s protectiveness over her, so she tries to ease their worries. “My family’s done business with the Son family so I’ve known Chaeyoung before I moved to Korea. She knows Tzuyu, too.”

 

Still not convinced, Momo also inquires, “And this Dahyun?”

 

“My best friend. Practically family to me. My parents convinced hers to trust our Minari here.”

 

Mina guesses that that was enough because both Jeongyeon’s and Momo’s bodies loosen up, replacing the stiff stance that towered over Chaeyoung from a meter away.

 

“Speaking of Dahyun, where is our bright-eyed friend?” she asks Chaeyoung. “And when and how did you guys get in?” she directs to the rest.

 

Jihyo slowly raises her hand, which was met with confused, interrogative faces. Mina awkwardly nods to let her best friend proceed. “It was Dahyun that let us in. I mean, I’m assuming the black-haired, pale girl is Dahyun when she rushed out of your apartment. She mumbled something about an emergency meeting.”

 

“Always the rambler, even this early in the day,” Chaeyoung’s laugh brings a smile to Jeongyeon’s and Jihyo’s face.

 

“What about the Nayeon, Sana, and Tzuyu?” Mina interjects.

“Tzuyu’s still settling into the university life but she will join us when you come back during spring break. As for those two snakes, we left them in charge of Tzuyu,” answers Jihyo.

 

“Technically, we left Tzuyu in charge of them… We should probably make sure they haven’t killed each other yet.” With that, they scramble to their phones to text the youngest of the group.

  
 

 

In the years that Momo and Mina have known each other, everyone had noticed the silence between the two. They spoke but rarely was it ever a whisper. Everyone was fascinated, too, considering how loud Momo was with the others. Most of the time, the girls don’t catch them moving their lips and the only physical form of private communication they’d seen them engage in was when they would stare at each other’s eyes. So that’s how the two of them gained the moniker “Silent Eyes.”

 

“To this day, I still haven’t heard Silent Eyes in an actual conversation,” Jeongyeon tells the story to Chaeyoung, who also, surprisingly, shares the same humor as her. But while Momo laughs at nearly everything, Chaeyoung seems to be a carbon copy of her one-year senior.

 

“Shut up, Yoo Jeongyeon. You’re just jealous we can communicate better than you and your girlfriend—ouch.” Mina hits Momo with the duvet pillow on her couch. “Can the two of you please stop hitting us?” Momo responds.

 

“No. You’re being inconsiderate. And stop overreacting. I barely grazed you.” Mina returns to the television program. She had been listening intently to Jeongyeon’s and Chaeyoung’s conversation while watching the documentary on famous serial killers. Momo called her sick when Mina suggested it. But still, Momo sat down, grabbed the blanket she bought Mina as a goodbye present, and placed their tangled fingers under the covers.

 

“Jihyo, I heard them. Honey, Silent Eyes can actually do something other than stare at—ouch. Both of you have a serious problem.” To compensate, Jihyo tiptoes to Jeongyeon’s cheek level and places a peck there. Jeongyeon bobbles her head left and right as an acceptance of her apology. Chaeyoung averts her eyes, claiming to be too young to see this “public” display of affection.

 

Mina looks back at the scene then smiles at her best friend. Jihyo smiles back.

 

“Chaeyoung seems to get along with them,” Momo comments.

 

Mina shifts her gaze to Momo who looks uncomfortable with what seems to be a stiff back. Not once has Momo moved from her position since she yelled at Jeongyeon.  “They’re fond of her. She looks like their daughter with Jeongyeon’s hair and humor and Jihyo’s height.” Momo’s grip on Mina tightens.

 

“I heard that. We’re going to have a conversation later, Myoui Mina.”

 

“You okay, Momo?” Mina’s worried. Okay, Mina is always worried. But the girl next to her isn’t looking like she’ll relent from her pose anytime soon.

 

Momo replies with a simple no, not making any eye contact nor any effort to engage in whatever Mina tried to do. Her tone is a smooth monotone that carries a weight Mina catches almost instantly. She knows Momo by now. She knows that whatever is bothering her is going to end up ruining the entirety of their visit.

 

_What is she being so stubborn for?_

 

“I’m not being stubborn.” Monotony is out the window when Momo nearly yells her response to Mina’s thought causing the three girls in the kitchen to swing their heads towards the two Japanese.

 

_Shit, did I say that out loud?_

 

“Yes, you did, Mina. I’ve spent the better part of our friendship listening and talking to you in whispers.” A beat later, “How do you think Sana was even able to hear you? I had to train the girl’s ears for weeks.” Momo’s frustration caught everyone off guard, especially Mina, who has never been on the receiving end of Momo’s outbursts. They are rare but when they happen, the group stays silent throughout. It was usually Sana who got these, but there have been occasions when it was Nayeon, Jeongyeon, and Jihyo. (Momo swore she felt the hand of God ready to strike her when she yelled at Jihyo and promised never to do it again, that and she got a stern talking to by Jeongyeon and Mina.)

 

Momo apologizes before proceeding to find her way out, grabbing her coat, closing the door. Jeongyeon and Jihyo are dumbfounded with Chaeyoung nowhere to be seen.

 

“You can come out, kid,” Jeongyeon tells her. Chaeyoung pokes her head out from the safe haven under the granite top.

 

“Mina. Room. Now,” Jihyo instructs, which Mina adheres to. On the way to her room, Mina hears Jeongyeon tease Chaeyoung about being scared while Chaeyoung defends herself with the excuse of having dropped something on the floor.

  
 

 

Jihyo waits as Mina closes the door behind her. Mina closes her eyes and takes a short breath to get ready for whatever Jihyo wants to say to her.

 

Her best friend looks at her wearily, a head tilt to indicate her concern for her stubborn friend. “You and Momo need to talk.”

 

 _Of course._ “Yes, I know. But she needs her space right now.”

 

“Mina, you and Momo both know that this is important,” the words seem like they’re walking on a road of thumbtacks and they’re tiptoeing around them. Of course, nothing ever comes from tiptoeing around important matters. So naturally, one of them was bound to step on a tack or two.

 

Mina looks away for a moment then back at the eyes that hold the secrets and answers to her own punitive life. “I know, Jihyo. But she needs time to cool down.”

 

“Why are you afraid?”

 

“I’m not,” she lies through her teeth. _How dare I lie to Jihyo_ , she scolds herself.

 

Jihyo knows. “Then why aren’t you rushing out of here to talk to your best friend when you would be out the door the second before Momo even has time to close it. This isn’t the first time she’s stormed out like that, and you’re usually by her side almost immediately.”

 

“I am just giving her time for herself.”

 

“That’s bullshit, Myoui.”

 

“Momo and I aren’t the only ones with the communication problem,” she didn’t expect that to come out of her mouth. She didn’t even expect to have the thought. But Myoui Mina is defensive and competitive by nature: she refuses to back down despite her own attempts to shut down the part of her brain that makes her say stupid, impulsive things.

 

Jihyo is speechless. _Tack one_. She opens her mouth for a rebuttal but she sits on Mina’s bed instead. Mina interprets this as a time her friend needs her, so before Jihyo could even usher in her best friend, she already has a pair of arms enclosing her now shaking body.

 

“I told her I love her,” Jihyo relays in between each short breath. “I mean, I didn’t expect her to say it back when I said it. But it’s been months, Mina. Two months. And still nothing. We pretend like everything’s fine, but Jeongyeon avoids the topic like the freaking plague. I’m not a plague, am I?”

 

“You’re anything but. I swear.” By how easily Jihyo broke down within seconds, Mina could tell how heavy this weighed on the girl—it takes her several minutes or days to even begin the process of breaking down. Mina tries her luck at comfort in spite of her self-proclamation of _I’m too cold to keep anyone warm._ So she soothes the older girl, rubbing circles on her backs and whispering frequent _it’s going to_ _be okays_ and _I’m_ _sorrys_ _._

 

“We both know that Jeongyeon takes time to process things. When Tzuyu asked her what love was, Jeongyeon excused herself from the dinner table and left. Tzuyu didn’t see her for two weeks.” Jihyo’s cries are softer now.

 

“And eventually, she did come back. She walked up to Tzuyu and said, ‘Love can be a person or persons that, despite all the fears and misconceptions around it, stays throughout, becoming the constant in the turbulence that is your life.’”

 

It elicited a chuckle from the shorter girl. The girls had looked at each other puzzlingly when they heard the response; Jeongyeon bore the brunt of painfully horrible jokes for the rest of the week. “You helped her with that answer. It just sounded too Myouian.” Jihyo snuggles closer to Mina and laughs, a little broken, but hearty, nonetheless.

 

“Yes, but she looked at you the entire time.”

 

Jihyo stops, a genuine smile creeping up her face.

 

“She will get around to it. Just be patient. If she doesn’t, one of my classmates has connections.”

 

_Tack removed successfully._

 

“Just because you helped me doesn’t mean that I won’t bother you with the whole Momo situation.” Jihyo whispers.

 

Mina sighs but still mutters a reply, “There’s nothing to say. She just needs her space.” Jihyo lets the matter rest. Mina stands up and calls Jeongyeon to her room then closes the door.

 

Chaeyoung greets her housemate a smile until she sees the solemn look on her face, “Everything okay there?”

 

“Yeah, they just need to talk things out.”

 

“What about you and Momo?”

 

“Space,” Mina says, “It’s what she needs right now.”

 

Chaeyoung acknowledges this and grabs her phone. “I’m going to order pizza and call Dahyun to come back soon. She’s been gone for way too long, don’t you think?”

 

Mina gives her a look. Then at the door. Then at the coat rack near the door. Then the blanket on the couch. And then the keys on the kitchen counter.

 

Space is what she says out loud, but space is what she’s not going to give her.

  
 

 

Momo sits on the stairs at the entrance of Mina’s apartment building. There’s a figure next to her that Mina can barely make the shape of. As she approaches her, a picturesque of pale skin and dark hair makes its way to her vision and she breathes a sigh of relief.

 

The figure stops consoling Momo as she looks up to see Mina, gleaming her bright smile at the girl. “Unnie.”

 

Mina softly smiles at her, one that is laced with endearment because of her childlike temperament. “You can drop the honorifics, Dahyun. When did you get back?”

 

“An hour ago. I was on my way up when I saw this girl here stomp down the stairs. I just didn’t want to leave her because it seems to me that she’s not familiar with the country.” She was always like this ever since Mina met her: caring. Counseling and making people feel better were her forte and Mina is grateful that it was Dahyun who found Momo and not some strange person that could take her Momo away from her.

 

“You got all that from her stomping?” Mina jokingly asks.

 

Dahyun smiles as she responds, “That and she kept mumbling something about not knowing where to go and your name.”

 

Mina gives her a nod and mouths a thank you. “You should go up. Chaeyoung’s been calling you.”

 

Dahyun’s phone lights up in her pocket. “And texting.” She leans into Momo’s ears to whisper something that Mina couldn’t catch. Standing up to leave, she takes her phone out to answer Chaeyoung’s call. She waves a goodbye to Mina before walking up the stairs and receiving an earful from Chaeyoung for making her worry.

 

Momo turns her gaze to Mina once Dahyun’s voice becomes an echo. Mina just stares back, scared and silent.

 

“I think I saw a cafe on the cab ride here. Wanna go out for some Americanos with me?” Mina is taken aback by Momo’s offer but nods, nonetheless.

 

 

 

Thinking back on everything Momo had said the night before, Mina tosses and turns in her bed. She rises up reluctantly, a cold air making contact with the hairs on her arms. She beleaguers her fridge, the cold not making it any easier for her shivering body.

 

“Myoui Mina, you idiot,” she says to herself.

 

“I never thought I would live to see the day the quiet Minari would yell. I think that was four decibels louder than your usual 0.1.” A figure comes out of the shows with her Korean University sweater and a beanie on her head.

 

“Shut up, Jeong.” Disgust is in her voice, for she is definitely not in the mood for jokes—corny or clever.

 

Jeongyeon notices the sharp needles punctuating each syllable. She softens her tone, “Hey, thank you for earlier. I didn’t think you approved of me much after that whole incident.”

 

Mina’s tone changes as well, disbelief splattered all over her face and words. “What? Of course not. You were just surprised by it. Besides, she wasn’t expecting a response then.”

 

The short-haired blonde scratches the back of her neck. “Yeah, I know. But I just think that after nearly two years of dating, I owed it to her to say it back.”

 

“Your reaction was completely normal, Jeong. And you said it back. That’s what’s important.” Mina gives her best friend’s girlfriend a small smile enough for Jeongyeon to reveal those pearly whites Jihyo swears to Mina is the eighth wonder of the world.

 

“Though you are on my hit list for adding to Jihyo’s anxiety,” she adds.

 

“I don’t blame you,” Jeongyeon lets out a half-laugh.

 

The mood shifts to serious. “Whatever it is that’s between with you and Momo, I hope you guys fix it. We’re all rooting for you two.”

 

Mina gulps in her reply, “I didn’t think it was me.”

 

“Who else could it be?”

  
  
 

> It is sub-zero temperature in the middle of January. So naturally, Mina curses herself for not wearing an extra layer of clothes. But Momo covers her shoulders with the blanket, saying that she wasn’t that cold and she didn’t want to carry the blanket, anyway. They both know that that’s not true. So Mina decides that she might as well bare the brunt of the tantalizingly cold weather if this is what it’s going to take for Momo to talk to her.
> 
>  
> 
> They’re situated on the bench at the park near Mina’s apartment building. Only late night joggers and dog walkers were there, but they were temporary fixtures in the setting, just mere passerbys. Momo thinks they’re crazy; Mina calls them dedicated.
> 
>  
> 
> The cup of Americano warms up Mina’s hands, while a cup of hot chocolate occupies Momo’s. They would take occasional sips, revelling in the silence that constantly falls on them.
> 
>  
> 
> But this silence isn’t welcomed. It’s rather loaded with tension and awkward glances, as if they reverted back to those days they were still getting to know each other—the awkwardness when Momo first walked Mina to her class.
> 
>  
> 
> “Four.”
> 
>  
> 
> Momo looks to the source. “What?” she questions.
> 
>  
> 
> Mina turns to Momo and smiles a small smile. “Four. That was the first word I’ve ever said to you.”
> 
>  
> 
> Momo lets a soft oh escape her mouth. “Is that what you’re thinking of you? The number four?”
> 
>  
> 
> “No, Momo, I’m thinking of you,” she admits. “You still haven’t told me why you walked out like that.”
> 
>  
> 
> Momo hesitates, “I guess I was just jealous.”
> 
>  
> 
> The older girl heaves a sigh, exhaling the cold air, which she chides herself for for being stupid. She takes the drink in her hand and sips to recover her warmth.
> 
>  
> 
> Mina waits patiently. The girl in front of her is shaking endlessly, making her realize that she’s being selfish. She takes off the blanket off her shoulders and places it on Momo’s. Momo tries to protest, but her arms are slapped away by her more persistent friend. “You’re not dressed for the weather,” she says.
> 
>  
> 
> “I’m jealous that your new roommates get to see you everyday and I don’t,” Momo continues.
> 
>  
> 
> “We call each other every single day.”
> 
>  
> 
> “No, we used to call each other every single day,” pausing, she thinks her words over, “It’s really stupid, I know. Just forget about it.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Hey, it’s not stupid. We both got busy. You with Le Cordon and uni and me with midterms.” Mina offers Momo a smile only to receive a painful one from the now brown-haired girl. “They don’t hear me like you do,” barely above a whisper.
> 
>  
> 
> It’s Momo’s turn to be confused, she finds this to be the case whenever they’re alone. She likes it though, she likes listening to Mina explain.
> 
>  
> 
> “I miss you.”
> 
>  
> 
> “I’m right here.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Not really. You’re still far apart, Momo, still keeping me at arm’s length for some reason. Where are you, Momo?”
> 
>  
> 
> Well, Momo doesn’t enjoy this particular explanation. She turns her head in Mina’s direction for the first time that night, her stiff neck suddenly coming back to life.
> 
>  
> 
> “I like you, Mina. That’s where I am.”
> 
>  
> 
> The confession shocks Mina that she can only suggest for them to go back to her apartment. She’s left with a throbbing headache, a million questions, and none of the closure she hoped to achieve that night. _Tack two._

  
  
 

Momo doesn’t know why she’s being forced out of her sleep but she lets the figure lead her anyway. But when her bare feet touch the only part of the house that doesn’t have a carpet, she curses herself and the figure with the tight hold on her wrist.

 

“Jihyo, what the actual fuck?”

 

“Language,” the girl in question berates.

 

She shakes her hold away. “We’re in our second year of college, Jihyo. And I’m fucking older than you.”

 

Jihyo only has to give her the death glare no mere mortal can ever withstand, which makes Momo an apologizing mess.

 

“Hi.” Momo’s ears perk up at the voice.

“Hey,” her voice is cute now as if everything that happened earlier has easily dispersed into the air.

 

Jihyo notices the silence that always follows them, so she takes her cue and retreats to the Chaeyoung’s room. Mina waits until Jihyo’s _okays_ fade into the shadows and the soft shutting of the door.

 

“I’m sorry about that but Jihyo really wanted to help. You know how she is.”

 

Momo responds with a nod.

 

“About last night, well, about earlier…” she lets it drag on while choosing the right words to say. “I think I owe you an actual explanation.”

 

Mina’s eyes try to make contact with Momo’s but her own anxiety is making it incredibly difficult. It doesn’t help that she needs to hold on to the counter or else her figure dissolves into a pile of gooey mess.

 

“I didn’t mean to respond the way I did. It caught me off guard.” She finds her footing, carefully avoiding the path of thumbtacks that leads to Momo.

 

“I didn’t think it was me. I thought it was someone like Sana or Nayeon when you said you found that right person. Or maybe Jeongyeon, I don’t know.” She shifts her path to the carpet on the living room floor. “I was jealous then, too.”

 

“I wanted it to be me. I even thought it was me at some point. But I’ve seen how you look at the other girls, too. And I’ve seen how you are with the other girls. How could I even fathom the idea that you—”

 

“I don’t look at the girls the same way I look at you. You said it yourself, I don’t hear them like I hear you.” Momo makes her way to Mina, bridging the distance that has plagued them since the end of high school.

 

Clarity— that’s all Mina has ever wanted. She wants an out from all the smoke and the mirrors and a goddamn wrench to take this tack out of her foot. So when a breath of air blows those grey clouds away, a paint of brown to paint the illusions of reflections gone, and a pair of fingers that traces Mina’s jawlines that she almost forgets the pain, clarity is what she finds.

 

Clarity is the pair of arms embracing and shielding her from this brutal winter. Clarity is a pair of brown orbs staring into her own as if capturing the moment for fear that such fleeting image would disappear from her view in a snap. Clarity is the pair of lips that lands on hers, a kiss bridled with softness and energy. Clarity is the taste that lingers when they break, gasping for air that they wish they didn’t need right now. Clarity is years of pent-up feelings and blushing messes finally coming into light in this dark room. Clarity is the distance falling apart in time and space, in the silence they find themselves in, and in the words they wished they shared sooner than later.

 

So Mina kisses her clarity once again, this time with much fervor, but a sweet one nonetheless. Mina would be lying if she said she didn’t want this. She does want this. She’s wanted this for four years. And in the kiss that they share, with the way Momo kisses back with the same intensity, the older girl’s wanted the same thing for four years.

 

The first kiss removes the tack. The second shatters the distance. And with the words in between, clarity takes over.

 

_Fact: Mina and Momo have been friends for four years._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure when I'm going to update since midterms are coming up, but I can assure you that the next one will be nothing but fluff. (If I can figure out how to write fluff well.)  
> Comment if you liked it or if you didn't or somewhere in the middle.

**Author's Note:**

> So... the next chapter turned out way longer than I expected. I will post it as soon as possible. 
> 
> I still have a lot to improve on but I hope you guys like it. I always value constructive criticism so feel free to comment what you think.


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